Sunday, August 17, 2008
Mailing a Blonde (537 views)
A blonde is speaking to her psychiatrist: “I’m on the road a lot, and my clients are complaining that they can never reach me.”
Psychiatrist: “Don’t you have a phone in your car?”
Blonde: “That was a little too expensive, so I did the next best thing. I put a mailbox in my car.”
Psychiatrist: “Uh … How’s that working?”
Blonde: “Actually, I haven’t gotten any letters yet.”
Psychiatrist: “And why do you think that is?”
Blonde: “I figure it’s because when I’m driving around, my zip code keeps changing.”
Blonde in the Mustang (539 views)
A man was stopped at a red light when a fantastic looking blonde pulled up beside him in a really hot Mustang convertible.
Trying to start a conversation, the man asked, “Hey,….. how many horses you got under the hood?”
The blonde looked at the man bewildered, and replied, “Well,…. there’s one on the left side, one on the right side, ……. and oh yeah, there’s one on that little front thingy.”
Roe V.S Wade (506 views)
A blonde was sitting in class when the professor asked her if she knew what the Roe vs Wade decision was.
She sat there for quite a while pondering this very profound question and finally said,
“I think that is the decision George Washington made prior to crossing the Delaware.”
Did you Hear (776 views)
Did you hear about the blonde who took an hour to cook Minute Rice?
Did you hear about the blonde who got into the taxi, and the driver kept the “Vacant” sign up?
Did you hear about the blonde who was an M.D.–Mentally Deficient?
Did you hear about the blonde who thought nitrates was cheaper than day rates?
Did you hear about the blonde who after watching the ballerinas, wondered why they didn’t get taller girls?
Did you hear about the blonde who went to a nudist camp for a game of strip poker?
Did you hear about the blonde who brought her cosmetics with her for a make-up exam?
Did you hear about the blonde who put under Education on her job application, ‘Hooked On Phonics’…
Blonde Riding a Horse (289 views)
One day this blonde is riding a horse. As they are trotting along the blond decides she wants to go faster and do some tricks so she starts turning the horse around in a circle. All of a sudden she starts to slip so she grabs the horses mane. But even though she has hold of the mane she was still slipping. so she decided the best thing to do was to not fall off by putting her foot in the saddle. So she’s riding along hanging from her foot, with her head banging on the ground, almost near death when the K Mart guy comes over and turns of the horse.
One Blonde To Another (244 views)
A blonde woman was having financial troubles so she decided to kidnap a child and demand a ransom. She went to a local park, grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote this note. “I have kidnapped your child. I am sorry to do this but I need the money. Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag behind the big oak tree in the park at 7 AM.” Signed, “The Blonde”. She pinned the note inside the little boy’s jacket and told him to go straight home. The next morning, she returned to the park to find the $10,000 in a brown bag behind the big oak tree, just as she had instructed. Inside the bag was the following note. “Here is your money. I cannot believe that one blonde would do this to another.”
Name Two of Santa’s Reindeer (214 views)
On a famous TV game show A BLONDE contestant needed only to answer one more question. One simple question stood between her and ONE MILLION DOLLARS! “To be today’s champion,” the show’s smiling host intoned, “name two of Santa’s reindeer.” The contestant, gave a sigh of relief, gratified that she had drawn such an easy question. “Rudolph!” she said confidently, “and, …Olive!” The studio audience started to applaud (as the little sign above their heads said to do) but the clapping quickly faded into mumbling, and the confused host replied, “Yes, we’ll accept Rudolph, but could you please explain… ‘Olive?!?’”. “You know,” the woman circled her hand forward impatiently and began to sing, “Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer - had a very shiny nose. And if you ever saw it, you would even say it glowed. *Olive,* the other reindeer…”
Ice Fishing (252 views)
A blonde decided she needed something new and different for a winter hobby. She went to the bookstore and bought every book she could find on ice fishing.
For weeks she read and studied, hoping to become an expert in the field. Finally she decided she knew enough and out she went for her first ice fishing trip. She carefully gathered up and packed all the tools and equipment needed for the excursion. Each piece of equipment had its own special place in her kit.
When she got to the ice, she found a quiet little area, placed her padded stool and carefully laid out her tools.
Just as she was about to make her first cut into the ice, a booming voice from the sky bellowed, “There are no fish under the ice!!”
Startled, the blonde grabbed up all her belongings, moved further along the ice, poured some hot chocolate from her thermos, and started to cut a new hole.
Again the voice from above bellowed, “There are no fish under the ice!!”
Amazed, the blonde was not quite sure what to do as this certainly was not covered in any of her books. She packed up her gear and moved to the far side of the ice. Once there, she stopped for a few moments to regain her calm. Then she was extremely careful to set everything up perfectly–tools in the right place, chair positioned just so. Just as she was about to cut this new hole, the voice came again.
“There are no fish under the ice!!”
Petrified, the blonde looked skyward and asked, “Is that You, Lord?”
The voice boomed back, “NO THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE SKATING RINK!”
Suicide (223 views)
A blonde hurried into the hospital emergency room late one night with the
tip of her index finger shot off.
“How did this happen?,” the emergency room doctor asked her.
“Well, I was trying to commit suicide,” the blonde replied.
“What?” sputtered the doctor? “You tried to commit suicide by shooting off
the tip of your finger?”
“No, silly!” the blonde said. “First, I put the gun to my chest, and I
thought, ‘I just paid $6,000 for these; I’m not shooting myself in the
chest.”
“So then?” asked the doctor.
“Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought, ‘I just paid $3,000 to get
my teeth straightened; I’m not shooting myself in the mouth.”
“So, then?”
“Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought ‘This is going to make a loud
noise, so I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger.”
Blonde getting a Car (234 views)
One day a blonde walks into a car shop. She looks around to see if she can find the perfect car for herself.
She finds a beautiful car with fine leather, but as she bends over to feel it she lets out a fart!
She looks around to see if anyone noticed, but as she turns she sees the sales guy is behind her so she askes him “How much is this car”
He replies back “Miss, If you farted just by touching the leather you’re going to shit yourself when hear the price!”
